


Disastrous Family Visit

by ShadeofGreen



Category: A Series of Unfortunate Events - Lemony Snicket
Genre: Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Ficlet, Gen, Ghosts, Minor Canonical Character(s), Minor Original Character(s), Parody, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-02
Updated: 2020-01-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:01:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22078876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShadeofGreen/pseuds/ShadeofGreen
Summary: The Anwhistle Family (and others) discuss the Medusoid Mycelium.
Kudos: 1





	Disastrous Family Visit

**Author's Note:**

> The second half is the crack/crack treated seriously parody fic that could be read as some alternate that bares the same title, though I personally think both halves go hand and hand and work together.

Ike got a surprise call from Gregor. Gregor isn’t the type to call anyone on such short notice. Usually he would write a letter. Gregor knows how Ike hates answering the phone.

When Ike picks up the phone, Gregor –without even saying hello– orders his brother and fiancée to visit Anwhistle Aquatics the day after tomorrow. He wants to show them something that, in Gregor’s own words, “Can finally end this war VFD has been forcing us through.”

Ike did not expect Gregor to lead them to the basement level of Anwhistle Aquatics. Nor did he expect Gregor opening up a hatch, and forcing them to walk another set of stairs to the underground cave.

The three approach a wooden table. On top rests an enclosed spherical glass container resembling a fish bowl and it’s under heavy locks. Inside are umbrella shape mushrooms.

“You wanted us to see some mushrooms?” Ike couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow.

“It’s not just any mushroom, dear brother of mine! If one spore is even inhale or eaten,” says Gregor, titling his head to the right, still admiring his creation, “the mycelium will plant itself into the poor sap’s throat. When the mycelium blossoms, it will choke their victim to death.”

From the corner of Ike’s eyes, he can see Gregor pushing up his glasses, and turns over to face the two of them. “As you can see, it grows best inside tight close spaces. It makes the human body of VFD’s enemies a prime environment.”

Ike can see Josephine’s left eye is twitching uncharacteristically as she answers, “You’re not wrong about that.”

Gregor claps his hands. “I see Josephine has some words on the subject. Ike, do you have anything to say?”

Ike wants to look Gregor straight in the eye, smack him in the head, and scream, “You and your team of scientists are so preoccupied with whether or not you could, you didn't stop to think if you should!”

Instead, Ike looks Gregor straight in the eye, and calmly answers, “I only wonder how our parents and grandparents would react over this, wherever they are.”

* * *

_D runs a hand through her once dark hair, before turning over to glare at her husband, Z. “I knew it! I knew it! Our Gregor was a trouble maker from the start!”_

_Z gives out a loud gasp of shock, and scowls at D as he crosses his arms. “Don’t look at me! Gregor got it from **your** side of the family.”_

_Chas Snicket never heard the Snicket Family be so insulted in his life, dead or alive. “He’s only trying to help keep the world remain quiet!”_

_“But if the mushrooms is rejected,” interrupts B Snicket, “Ike will forever be shame. Dishonor will come to **his** family! Already weaken traditional values will disintegrate!”_

_“Not to mention he’ll lose his position on the Fickle Ferry,” says Z’s father Q._

_Z’s mother U is remaining quiet._

_A Snicket smirks at the Anwhistles, though her eyes show some pity to their plight. “My grandchildren never caused such trouble. Almost all became malacologists!”_

_Chas couldn’t help but roll his eyes at A’s attempts of flattering herself through her bloodline. “Well we can’t **all** be malacologists!”_

_“No,” snaps U, “your grandson had to be a **MAD ICHNOLOGIST**!!!”_


End file.
